Here you are again, drowning in your own thoughts. Wanting to ask for help, but purposely depriving yourself of human interaction. You are a complete and utter paradox, my sweet summer child.
For twenty-five years, you’ve boxed yourself in the same scenario over and over again; bottling up your emotions until you lead yourself to self-destruction without anyone’s knowledge.
Are you that desperate to maintain your image of always keeping your shit together?
You actually do though, barely, but surprisingly. However, the process of emptying your bottle isn’t as simple as pouring all the feelings out in one swift spill — it’s not just crying it out. You don’t just empty your bottle, you break it.
The facade of emotional strength shatters every once in a while, doesn’t it? You break your own heart over and over again until nothing remains of you and what’s left is just a vessel; a doll with a blank stare and an empty smile.
Thankfully, no one notices this. You don’t want them to. You want to assure them, care for them, love them, protect them, and be strong for them — at least you try to be. Like what Uncle Iroh said, sometimes to fix your own problems, the best solution is to fix the problems of others.
But my love, is it such a colossal task for you to trust other people? Do you really not trust other people or are you just afraid that maybe when they find out you aren’t as strong as they thought you were, they’d probably bail on you?
I can’t blame you. It has happened before.
And maybe it will always happen.
Perhaps no one can truly look at your shattered soul and say, “How beautiful do these pieces glimmer under the shining light”.
Maybe, you’re asking too much.
Maybe, absolute trust is too much.
Maybe, you’re just too much.
I’m sure you’re exhausted. You’ve tried to open up to a person you loved more than once now , yet no one actually saw the glimmer in your soul.
Or maybe you’re just doing it wrong. Maybe you’re actually as bright as the morning star yet you can’t see it because you keep on waiting for another soul to affirm your light for you.
However, what is man without others, right? Humans naturally require company, right? So what if I believe that I’m incomplete without a significant other? So what if I believe in that bogus two headed human Greek myth?
So what if I feel just so lonely?
I’m sure everyone does too — yet no one can admit it properly, just like you.
Because you’re here, writing a letter that you’re so sure no one will read, instead of actually sharing all your inhibitions and feelings to another person . You do this just to survive the pain caused by your inability to let anyone in.
And suffer you shall continue to do, as well as survive, as you always did.
Survive, as you will continue doing.
Survive with all the shattered pieces of your soul.
Let the glimmer shine in the seemingly bottomless chasm of this world.
And maybe, just maybe, your light can guide others who seem a little lost every once in a while too.
