It’s Almost A Year
“One of the ironic verities of life, it has been said, is that sorrow is sometimes a touchstone of love.” (LIBI vs. IAC, 1992)
In a few weeks from now, I’ll be celebrating a year of being single. It wasn’t easy getting to this point. Having your heart broken by someone you truly and deeply loved will never be easy to recover from, but I’m happy to say that I’m doing — well.
Okay, so maybe “well” isn’t something one should celebrate. The thing is, I’m still not confident enough to say that I’m doing “great” because abiding by my own personal standard, I’m still not. When I say “great” it means every ounce of self-blame is gone — it means I’ve completely forgiven myself for everything I’ve done and/or I did not do.
It’s easier to forgive the other person for all his/her shortcomings and wrongdoings than to forgive one’s own. For some, vilifying their ex consoles them faster and propels their emotional progress better. Resentment in one’s heart can definitely prove effective; however, I’m not like that. I know that if I resort to those methods, I’d lose myself further.
I’m not one to yield to anger easily. Once I do, even in normal situations, I feel like I’ve given up a part of myself to another person because I allowed him/her to control my emotions. I’ve already given so many pieces of my heart to my ex. I can’t bear to give more because if I do, then who I am will be completely lost.
Don’t be mistaken, it’s not my position that one method is better than the other. How one copes is the right and responsibility of one’s self. We’re all entitled to recover from pain and loss in our own way, as long as we don’t harm other people or break any law. (Revenge montages in one’s head are completely supported though.) It’s just my method is more tranquil than adversarial. My method is to forgive, move forward, and proceed to rebuilding the pieces I lost in loving the other person. I cannot reclaim all those pieces, hence I have to rebuild stronger and better ones.
For now, I’m writing this as a reminder to myself that I’m doing well.
Well enough to do my daily workout routine (I have lost so much weight and I went down two (2) sizes. Yay for progress).
Well enough to eat properly (most of the time because the occasional crispy pork belly is a must).
Well enough to study and enjoy studying the law (except Taxation Law).
Well enough to read my novels, write poetry, (finally) upload my shots and sketch(reignited my love for literature and visual art).
Well enough to listen to new music provided by Spotify’s Discover Weekly.
Well enough to buy new clothes for myself (note to self: only do this sometimes).
Well enough to move out from my old and beloved dormitory (a room where lingering memories of him existed).
Well enough to foster and strengthen my personal relationships with my family and friends.
Well enough to wake up each day with the hope that I will get better as more days pass by.
Well enough to have the courage to choose myself everyday until the time comes that I won’t feel any ounce of remorse for doing so.
Well enough to not remain stationary, no matter how slow or tedious the journey maybe and/or no matter how vague the destination may seem.
Sometimes, just moving forward can make you well.
For now, that is enough. You are enough. Be proud of your progress for God is the only One who knows how much you had to overcome to reach this point of your recovery.
Happy Valentine’s Day, lady.
